Translator: Vivi from dummytranslations
Editor: Mimishijie
The Emperor is an incapable ruler(15): Minister Zhao’s pillow talk

Zhao Ze’s eyes dimmed. He bowed, “What does Your Majesty feel like eating? This minister will call for the kitchen to prepare.”

Xiang Han glanced at him and asked, “Aren’t you going back to reflect?”

Zhao Ze patiently replied, “This minister will go later.”

Xiang Han thought for a moment, forget it, he didn’t feel like moving today. Therefore, he threw all the memorials to Zhao Ze for him to go over.

Night came and Zhao Ze spoke once more, “Your Majesty, the palace gates have already closed. Can this minister stay the night?”

Xiang Han narrowed his eyes. He hadn’t expected that in a blink of an eye, it would already be this late and was momentarily dazed.

Zhao Ze continued quietly, “Your Majesty, this minister can also stay behind to...help you apply medicine.”

“A-apply medicine?” Xiang Han abruptly came to his senses.

Zhao Ze nodded with a face full of expectations, “After applying medicine...it will recover faster.”

Xiang Han’s face instantly became as dark as the bottom of a pot. He gritted his teeth, “Bring the medicine here.”

Zhao Ze ‘reluctantly’ handed it over before being chased away by Xiang Han into the guest room where retinues belonged.

However, it did not take long for Xiang Han to summon him over. Gnashing his teeth, he said, “Come over and help Zhen apply the medicine.”

Afterwards, he ordered, “Your eyes are not to stray and keep your hands to yourself.”

“Understood,” Zhao Ze held back his laughter and went forward. He had purposely diluted the medicine to make it difficult for Xiang Han to apply it onto himself. Moreover, the Little Emperor’s waist and limbs were still sore, making it all the more impossible.

The whole process of applying medicine was extremely careful and gentle. If it weren’t for the fact that he had been too ruthless last night, and it had been the Little Emperor’s first time, Zhao Ze would have found it hard to restrain himself.

After applying the medicine, the two people’s breath were unsteady.

Xiang Han’s face was flushed and his eyes nervously avoided Zhao Ze’s. He touched his chin, saying, “There hasn’t been any matters requiring your attention recently, yet you have already stayed in the palace for two consecutive nights. This may cause the court ministers to become suspicious, this cannot continue.”

Zhao Ze sighed and tenderly gathered the Little Emperor into his arms. He lightly kissed his forehead, “Your Majesty, once the matter of sea trade is settled, are you willing to be with this servant…?”

The words behind his question were not spoken aloud. Instead, he merely kissed Xiang Han’s earlobes.

Xiang Han felt his ears itch and curled up, wanting to escape.

After a long while, Zhao Ze had gave up on getting an answer. Who would have thought that Xiang Han would suddenly say, “You have to at least wait until a suitable heir is selected from the imperial clan and old enough to sit on the throne.”

Zhao Ze shook. Wild joy flashed through his eyes and he dared not believe what he heard, “Your Majesty...is willing?”

Xiang Han pushed him away in frustration and harrumphed, “That’s your own assumption. Scram back to where you belong.”

Zhao Ze was unable to contain his wild joy and quickly pulled him back into his arms. After a round of intense kisses, he mumbled, “Your Majesty is still unwell, this servant ought to wait upon His Majesty.”

Saying this, he directly pushed the Little Emperor back onto the bed before joining him.

Xiang Han tried, but failed, to kick him several times. He ended up exhausting himself instead and in the end, chose to give up.

From then on, from time to time, Zhao Ze would be ‘summoned’ by the Little Emperor to stay behind to discuss court affairs. Every time, they would speak till dead into the night. He had no choice but to stay overnight in the palace.

Physician Deng was the first one to know about the two’s affairs, because there was one instance where Zhao Ze had been too ruthless, causing the Little Emperor to develop a fever the next day. He had no choice but to call the imperial physician over.

The pitiful physician was no longer young and after a lesson from the Little Emperor, he nearly fainted from fright. With much difficulty, he took the Little Emperor’s pulse and shakily returned. Then, it was Zhao Ze’s turn to go over with a dark expression. First, he gave him a stern warning and afterwards, made him prescribe lubricant and several other types of medicine related to that.

Physician Deng nearly vomited blood. After this experience, how could he not guess who His Majesty was intending to use that drug on? If he handed it over, he would offend the Son of Heaven. If he didn’t, he would offend the Emperor’s beloved.

After a long internal debate, Physician Deng finally decided. Give! With this, he was considering His Majesty’s dragon body, while also valuing his own life…even if he offended the Emperor, he still had Minister Zhao as a shield. But if he offended Minister Zhao, all the minister had to do is have a little pillow-talk with His Majesty. At that time, would His Majesty even remember who Physician Deng was??

After obtaining the medication, Zhao Ze became even more beastly and all sorts of tricks were used. Once, when the Little Emperor had been going through memorials, he could not resist and directly pushed Xiang Han down onto the desk. Xiang Han was so furious he directly ignored him for half a month

Zhao Ze understood that he was wrong and therefore, took this time to settle his lifelong happiness(marriage). Xiang Han did not know what he told Mother Zhao, but afterwards, Mother Zhao cried for a long time and never forced him again.

After Xiang Han learnt of this matter, he summoned him back to the palace and asked, “What on earth did you say?” Recently he was being pressured by the ministers and was growing frantic. He had to quickly think of a way to settle this matter.

Zhao Ze blinked before saying, “This minister told his mother that during the time in the Southwest, this minister had been injured and do not wish to harm any young lady.”

Xiang Han used a tablet to poke him, “So you came to harm Zhen?”

Zhao Ze already hadn’t been alone with him for half a month and could not stop himself from leaning forward, his voice low, “Don’t tell me Your Majesty isn’t clear on whether or not this servant had been injured in that place?”

The warm breath brushed past his ear and made his heart itch. Xiang Han hurriedly turn to evade him and snorted, “On the contrary, Zhen prefers that it really had been injured.”

Zhao Ze laughed but did not say anything, only pulling him into an embrace and rubbing him all over.

After a few days, the requests for Xiang Han to take an Empress grew even fiercer. Even Teacher Zhao entered the palace and persuaded him earnestly, “Your Majesty, the foundation of our kingdom depends on the harem. Even if you don’t like women, there is still a need to think about the country. And if you really can’t, you can...use medicine, ah.”

Xiang Han was startled by the Teacher’s words. Was this still the same expressionless pedant who was serious when it comes to anything?

Looks like the ministers were really frantic and thus, Xiang Han could only put on a bitter expression as he replied with difficulty, “Teacher, it’s not that Zhen doesn’t want to, it’s that...ah. Forget it, call Physician Deng here.”

When Physician Deng came, he shakily repeated the words Xiang Han had taught him to say not long ago, “His Majesty’s body is weak and if he were to rely on medicine, I’m afraid it will harm his body and even risk his life.  It’s extremely difficult to have a child and even in the chance that there is a Little Prince, there is a possibility of... of…”

“Of what?” Watching him drag on, Teacher Zhao was anxious.

“He might not be able to grow up healthily and have a high mortality.” Physician Deng gritted his teeth and said. He broke out into a cold sweat. He had never heard of any Emperor cursing himself before.

Teacher Zhao cried out in surprise and turned to stare at Xiang Han. Seeing his expression, devastated to the point where he could not even say anything, he left shamefully.

From then on, no matter who tried to persuade him, Teacher Zhao would ignore them. Occasionally, he would let Zhao Ze send over a few nourishing products.

Upon receiving them, Xiang Han was both touched and guilty.

It didn’t take long for the entire court to learn of  Xiang Han’s difficulty in having a child. The requests that came in stopped and no one mentioned it from then on. The Emperor could not conceive, if they were to continue bringing it up, wouldn’t it just be rubbing salt into his wounds?

Xiang Han was extremely satisfied with the turn of events. When the time was almost ripe, he finally announced, “For the sake of this country, Zhen has decided to select an heir from the imperial clan.”

His words had just been spoken and, without needing Zhao Ze to lead them, the group of ministers all fell to their knees and cried, “Your Majesty is wise.”

The matters that followed did not require Xiang Han’s concern. Zhao Ze was even busier than him, rushing around until his shadow couldn’t even be seen.

Three months later, after factoring in all aspects and with careful consideration, Zhao Ze gathered a candidate for the throne: Duan Wang’s grandson, Song Rui Jian.

Duan Wang was the late Emperor’s cousin and in terms of bloodline, he was not too distant. His grandson was only five years old and according to others, he was upright, quick-witted, and a modifiable talent.

In reality, Zhao Ze had wanted to choose an older candidate for the throne in order for Xiang Han to abdicate earlier so that they can travel the world together. However, an older candidate carried the risk of having deep relations with their biological parents, in the future, what if he chose to betray Xiang Han? Therefore, after struggling for a long time, he decided on Song Rui Jian.

After Song Rui Jian entered the palace, Xiang Han found a new interest in raising a child. Although he had raised one in the last world, his age had been to big and hadn’t been the least bit cute.

Seeing other’s little grandson... no, it should be the little Crown Prince; so white, so soft, so obedient, how was he like Zhou Yue Ze at all? He was only disagreeable and rebellious.

Zhao Ze saw Xiang Han’s attention for the little Crown Prince and immediately felt unwell once again.

When Song Rui Jian first entered the palace, he constantly cried due to the unfamiliar environment and gave Xiang Han a huge headache. At night, he even had to hold him to sleep.

Zhao Ze was full of complaints, but he could only endure. He thought, once the little one got used to living in the palace, it would be fine.

However, he never thought that the little rascal would adapt so quickly and become overly used to it. From then on, he only had Xiang Hang in his eyes and wherever the Emperor went, he would follow. Xiang Han was helpless, be it having meals, sleeping, or writing memorials, he would accompany the little rascal. He was just short of bringing him to morning court.

Zhao Ze endured for a few months, his needs piling up. Finally, when the little Crown Prince fell sick, he took the chance to hound Xiang Han and fully satisfied his needs. Afterwards, he began to whisper sweet words and used pillow-talk to persuade him, “Indulging will only spoil him and, moreover, he is the crown prince of the nation. If you continue to humor him, it will only harm him in the future. If Your Majesty cannot bear to govern him harshly, why don’t you let this Minister educate him instead?”

Xiang Han was almost falling asleep and hearing this sort of pillow talk made his ears itch. He couldn’t resist rubbing them and snorted with his eyes shut, “Rui Jian is still young, there’s no need to rush.”

Still young? Zhao Ze gritted his teeth before sucking on his earlobes and continued to whisper, “Your Majesty, the crown prince is no longer young. When I was his age, I could already memorise the four books and write literary works.”

“Hic…” Xiang Han was bitten till his body became numb. He mumbled, “He’s still sick, w-wait for him to recover, before-before...wuu...”

His words were not finished but Zhao Ze had already blocked his mouth with a kiss. Followed by that was a round of torment.

Satiated once more, Zhao Ze happily held him and planted a kiss on his lips. Xiang Han furiously glared at him.

After the little crown prince recovered from his illness, he bitterly discovered that his position in the palace had changed. Every morning, he had to wake up early and could only return late at night. Not only that, he even had to memorise books, write characters and have his palms hit by the evil Teacher Zhao.

The worst part was, Teacher Zhao not only stuck to his imperial father every single day, he even snatched his place by his bedside. The little crown prince gnashed his teeth silently, thinking that one day he would definitely chase Teacher Zhao out of the palace. This way, his imperial father would be able to spend more time with him.

A few more months passed and Luo Bai returned, bringing along chests full of potatoes and sweet potatoes.

Xiang Han was overjoyed, hurriedly ordering, “Faster, faster. Roast some french fries, potato chips and fried sweet potato vermicelli for Zhen. Make sweet potato chips, roasted sweet potatoes, sweet potato chips…”

Luo Bai laughed, “Understood. Please wait a moment, Your Majesty.”

Zhao Ze’s face darkened and dragged Xiang Han back, “Your Majesty, you’ve just had your meal.”

“Cough, cough. That, er...Recently, Song Rui has been studying very hard. Those are for him.” Xiang Han said with an innocent expression.

With the success of growing those crops in the imperial grounds, Xiang Han immediately pushed for them to be commercialised throughout the kingdom.

But just as Zhao Ze had feared, the poor were receptive but the rich were completely unwilling to plant them.

Xiang Han also did not intend to force them. Since this was a fertile land for fish and grains, it was still better to harvest more grains.

Once spring came, the rain that fell reduced drastically. Summer had yet to begin but the drought had already persisted for several months. Reports of fire began to come in as well as news of farmland drying up and crops wilting were everywhere.

Under the pleas of the minister, Xiang Han prayed several times for rain. When summer came, so did the thunderstorms that brought severe rain for consecutive days. The river dam overflowed and flooded countless farmlands.

No matter how much importance Xiang Han had placed on irrigation in the past few years, he wasn’t able to stop the plot from progressing according to the original storyline.

“Sigh.” Xiang Han sat inside the imperial chariot and sighed for the upteenth time.

Zhao Ze’s heart also hurt and he repeated his request once more, “Your Majesty, let this minister go to Jiang Nan.”

Xiang Han shook his head. When it comes to disaster relief, anyone could go except for Zhao Ze. After the string of natural disasters would be the epidemic. This world’s medical technology was too low, what if...

Xiang Han could not bear to do so, “The northwest hasn’t been peaceful recently, it’s better for Minister Zhao to remain in Chang’an and help Zhen out.”

After the natural disasters, disaster relief supplies stocked up over the years were quickly distributed alongside doctors with medicine to combat the plague.

Just as the situation was almost stabilised, they received an urgent piece of news. Prince Liang had rebelled.

Hearing this news, Xiang Han sighed in relief. He finally appeared.

Except, why was he still playing the card of ‘having to clean up the corrupt Emperor’?

***
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