Translator: THISBRO from dummytranslations
Editor: Chubby Dragon 💖
Proofreader: Sleepymango 123
Chapter 2: There's a Demon Lord called He Huan in the Jianghu
---
Footnotes:
[1] Cutsleeves - in short, gays. This is a reference to an Emperor who had to leave for morning court but didn't want to disturb his male lover who was resting on his sleeve, and so cut it off.
[2] Green breeze/hat - Once upon a time, there was a businessman, a tailor, and the businessman's wife. (You can guess where this is going...) Whenever the businessman left his village to go on a business trip, his wife would cheat on him with the village tailor. To make it easier for the tailor to know when the businessman was going away, the businessman's wife asked the tailor to make a green hat for the businessman. Whenever the wife put the green hat on her husband's head, this served as a signal to the tailor that the businessman was leaving the village. Over time, the other villagers figured out what was going on, and they would say to one another..."His wife has put the green hat on him."
To this day, this phrase is what Chinese people use to talk about wives having affairs. This phrase is the reason why Chinese men never wear green hats.
[3] Devil cultivators - not to be confused with demonic cultivators. Demonic cultivators are humans who have turned to the demonic path, Devil cultivators are born that way. For example, beasts who have cultivated intelligence or plants, etc...
[4] Classical Gardens of Suzhou
Editor: Chubby Dragon 💖
Proofreader: Sleepymango 123
Chapter 2: There's a Demon Lord called He Huan in the Jianghu
---
Since
ancient times, the righteous and the demonic had always coexisted within the
Jianghu. The righteous side did things according to the rules, and therefore,
rarely did they hold enmity towards each other. It was this aspect that enabled
the righteous sects to create alliances amongst each other easily. They could
even decide on the identity of the world's strongest cultivator. Whenever they
wanted to fight, they would send out invitations, summoning a crowd to watch;
this set-up was elaborate to the point of blinding the eyes.
As
for the demonic sects, not only did they do things like burning, killing, and
looting the other sects. What was even more ridiculous was that they not only
targeted the innocent and righteous factions, but also killed and plundered
amongst themselves. Therefore, aside from being collectively hunted down by the
righteous side, all demonic cultivators also had to be wary of their peers in
case they decided to loot them while their houses were burning. It could be
said that they lived very difficult lives.
The demonic sects that
survived in such an adverse environment had to either be absurdly strong or
absurdly creepy, and as for the Palace of Bliss, the sect situated at the apex—they were the absurd
among the absurdities.
Therefore
by inference, He Huan, the Palace Master to the Palace of Bliss, must be a
world-class absurdly powerful and creepy Demon Lord.
Luckily, He Huan
didn’t let down the expectations of the Jianghu's storytellers. Ever since he
killed the previous Palace Master with a slash of his sword 80 years ago, he
had turned the Palace of Bliss into his own personal garden. As for the
disciples in his sect, it didn’t matter whether they were men or women, their
actions and words frivolous, overbearing or arrogant, they all were
accommodated comfortably.
According
to a godly thief who had once infiltrated the Palace of Bliss to try and steal
treasures, this person even allowed his disciples to dual-cultivate whenever
they felt like it. The entire sect, other than some porn books, was completely
empty of any divine weapons or artifacts. It was simply too hard to look at. Of
course, regarding whether or not he'd examined the porn stack, a certain godly
thief refused to comment.
Men
being loose and lustful wasn’t anything new. For men and women to thoughtlessly
throw themselves at He Huan regardless of his identity as Demon Lord also
seemed to be within the realm of expectation. However, after having your flings
and parting your ways with the other party, to not even give a heads up to
everyone in the Jianghu, then we will have problems!
Within
the century, who knew how many cultivators, on their nuptial night, heard their
newly wedded wives bow their heads and weep, "Back then, I was young and
ignorant, with that He Huan..."; and who knew how many cut-sleeves[1]
had painfully heard the handsome youths they finally managed to capture,
awkwardly sigh, "Forgive me for being blunt, but regarding technique, I
still think He Huan was better...."
And
so, in an instant, a green breeze swept across the Jianghu. Cultivators in mass
all became easily agitated, in fear of accidentally buckling a green hat onto
their heads [2].
In
order to cope with these situations, the second-ranked righteous sect of the
world, the Myriad Treasures Hall, developed an artifact that could determine
blood relations through a person's bone marrow, blood, face, hands, etc—a real
blood relation tester. Almost immediately, it had sold out, making them a huge
profit. As for the theories about why the sect head of the Myriad Treasures
Hall who'd been in secluded cultivation for months suddenly released this
product...it was said that one of his people had sat down with a certain man
surnamed He for a meal—cough—relatable, relatable.
What's
more, not long ago, a certain godly thief who once again infiltrated the Palace
of Bliss heard that scourge, He Huan, sigh about how sexy the fox cultivators
on the Snowy Mountains were. The world hadn’t anticipated that he would even
try devil[3] cultivators, and so, even those few who had special
fetishes couldn't take it anymore. This disgrace couldn’t stay!
Towards
this, He Huan's response was, "Laughable! This Master wants to enjoy his
lifetime, the only requirement is that it is comfortable and satisfying. I have
long stopped forcing men and women. Nowadays, what I like the most is the
process."
Hearing
this, there were some perverted cultivators who jealously scolded, “Despicable!
Absolutely despicable!”
The
fledgling cultivators who'd just entered the real world quickly followed in
chanting, "That's right! Absolutely despicable! Such a villain, to dare
claim to value the process, you are simply an uneducated swine claiming to love
culture!"
The
perverted cultivators, “...”
In
short, this He Huan person was extremely evil. At least 80% of the cultivators
in the Jianghu wanted to exterminate him. Yet, he was a late-stage Nascent Soul
cultivator. What type of concept was late-stage Nascent Soul? That was the
stage one step away from Calamity Crossing.
There
were only two Calamity Crossing cultivators above him in the entire world.
One
was the grand monk of the Grand Western Leiyin Temple. Although rumours had
speculated that he was of Calamity Crossing stage, the Jianghu had always
pretended that this monk didn’t exist. This was because, other than the monks
that had completed ascension into Buddhas, no one knew where this temple was
located, more so, the Jianghu hadn’t had a monk who successfully became a Buddha
in centuries.
The
other person would be the sect head of the number one righteous sect, Xuanmen
Righteous Sect's Qing Xuzi. Logically, he was the most suitable person to slay
He Huan, but every generation, the sect head kept to a dedicated tradition—entering
into seclusion. Each seclusion would last centuries. Secluding and secluding,
and after being secluded so much, they’d finally ascend with a ‘whoosh’. The
year He Huan first made his appearance, Qing Xuzi was perfectly in seclusion,
and to this day, he still hadn’t exited. Many suspected that the old man would
be like his predecessor, kicking the bucket with no warning.
Therefore,
other than besieging this vile villain, they really had no way to deal with
him. However, even when besieging, they needed to find a leader to act as the
head.
Following
their sect head's love for secluded cultivation, the cultivators of the 'Big
Boss' Xuanmen Righteous Sect were all hopelessly addicted to secluded
cultivation. The liaisons from other sects couldn't even enter the mountain.
Many times, they sent notices asking to pay their respects, in the end, most
were lost causes. It really made people speculate that a day would arrive where
the entire sect would just up and ascend together.
As
for the second largest sect, Myriad Treasures Hall, their sect head had doubted
his wife's faithfulness. So the wife became angry, returning to her family's
home and locking herself inside. Everyday the sect head would have an
expression of deep regret and frustration as he stood guard in front of his
wife's home trying to appease her. Where would he find the mood to go and pick
a fight with that bastard, He Huan?
The
third largest sect was the sect that the said wife belonged to, the Water Moon
Manor. As a sect that only accepted female disciples, they were originally the
most suitable choice. It was a pity that none of them had the mood to organize
some grand extermination campaign. All they wanted to do was beat up those old
calculating men loitering at their entrance.
Without
these three giants at the forefront, with their numerous Nascent Soul stage
cultivators, it’d be suicide for the other sects to attack the Palace of Bliss.
Gradually, they could only eliminate this idea from their minds.
Yet,
what made all those unmarried cultivators fall into despair was that last
night, the Palace of Bliss once again welcomed tribulation. As long as He Huan
was not electrocuted to death, then he would already be a Calamity Crossing
expert by now.
Then,
in the end, was he electrocuted to death?
Unfortunately,
he wasn’t.
He
Huan had always only ever pursued the ultimate pleasures. His Palace of Bliss
was constructed atop a spirit spring, the mountain lush, water nutritious,
spring all year round. Even his personal garden was designed similar to the
Classical Gardens of Suzhou[4], completely unlike the brothel-styled
look everyone imagined.
It's
just that, at this time, in He Huan's personal Qingyun Hall, the evil Demon
Lord in everyone's words was staring blankly at the stack of letters. When he
finally registered what he was looking at and saw the phrase "Enjoy the
ride", he immediately fell to the ground in shock. There wasn't an ounce
of his rumoured sleazy expression.
"He
Huan" felt very lost at the moment, his memory was basically blank. He
could barely recall that he seemed to be some world's university graduate. Just
when he'd finished his exams, he was hit by a car on the way home, and waking
up, he found himself here. However, he completely forgot what his name was,
don't even mention family background, he'd even forgotten what he used to look
like. There was no one else in the room, only a stack of letters accompanied
him. As for the contents contained within the letters, they could be summarized
as the above information.
The
writing was disorganized, handwriting both new and old. It seemed that the
author just wrote something whenever it came to mind. Not only was the stack
very thick, but the information inside was also very complex. "He Huan"
looked at it for a long time before finally deriving a few key points.
- He Huan was a
publicly recognized pervert.
- The majority
of the people in the Jianghu wanted to kill He Huan.
- He Huan lived
alone at Qingyun Hall which was within the Palace of Bliss.
He
looked up to see that eye-catching Qingyun plaque, then back down to his
dark-red robes which were not
the kind proper people would be associated with. His conclusion—it appeared that, perhaps,
possibly, maybe, he was He Huan?!
This
didn’t seem too good?
Carrying
his robes that were long enough to sweep the floor, the current "He
Huan" considered his proficiency in wearing these robes that made even
walking difficult and actually being able to survive the attacks from the
righteous cultivators. Then decisively, he grabbed the stack of paper and began
to grind as if he were cramming for college entrance exams.
Oh
well, although he didn’t know why He Huan would leave a message for himself
right out of the blue, looking at the action itself, he had probably known that
a situation like this would occur. In that case, then he would have most likely
left an explanation to dispel his confusion.
Sure
enough, he soon found the most relevant point to his current circumstances
within the increasingly scribbled writings—the meridians would be damaged and
could not be exercised in the seven days that followed undergoing tribulation,
and to be aware of sneak attacks.
The
suggested countermeasures were—stay at home and randomly select a few
beautiful disciples to sleep with during these seven days. Male disciples took
priority because their combat prowess tended to be stronger.
“What
the hell, pervert!”
Seven
days? A few? And it has to be male disciples?! This was directly dying from
excessive ejaculation! Actually, for the target to be male disciples was
already very bad, okay?
As a
teenager with a normal orientation, when he saw this rotten idea, "He Huan"
decisively threw that stack of waste paper onto the floor. At the same time, he
gained a deeper understanding that this He Huan, sure enough, was a pervert.
Although
he was not very clear-minded at this time, he still wouldn't follow that rotten
idea. He just wanted to spend those seven days quietly as he recovered, before
doing anything else.
Speaking
of which, if he'd remembered correctly, since it was only after the car
accident that he ended up transmigrating to this place, then how was he able to
read these words that were basically akin to ancient script calligraphy?
However, after thinking about it again, he found that although this Qingyun
Hall had never once appeared in his memories, he hadn't felt any unfamiliarity
in the furniture placement or style. Perhaps he'd already lived in this world
for a while, he just couldn't remember it. At least he was literate. But, if he
already lived in this world, why couldn't he remember it? And how did he become
He Huan?
No
matter how he tried to think about it, he still couldn't think of an answer.
Sighing, he ended up taking out a book from the cabinet to try and pass the
time. Just when he was about to lament that he was actually going to read
something as literary as ancient lined manuscripts, he flipped the book open
and came face to face with a picture of a naked woman on top of a man. That
elbow, that arm—your uncle! Wasn’t this a spring magazine?!
In an
instant, that literary fantasy was punctured by reality, and “He Huan” the
virgin, tossed that thing out the window with a red face. Suddenly, he recalled
the proud tone in the letters that He Huan had used when mentioning that his
whole sect had nothing except for porn books; he now understood just what kind
of things filled these two large cabinets. Yes, although he hadn’t met He Huan
before, he was absolutely certain that guy had been completely proud when
talking about these things.
Although
“He Huan” wasn’t a complete stranger to pornography, he still firmly believed
that these types of things should only be taken out in the dead of night in the
comforts of one’s own room for self-pleasure. Where would you find a person who
styled their entire room elegantly only for their cabinets to be full of porn
books, this crass fellow!
Even
though he was secretly judgemental of He Huan’s tastes, that image began to
spin unceasingly within his mind. Honestly speaking, when disregarding the
contents, the art style actually fit with his own sense of aesthetics. At
least, it seemed that their preferences were basically the same. Moreover, from
the glimpse he’d gotten just then, he was pretty sure he’d even seen some
dialogue; this porn book actually had some form of plot.
Realizing
that staying inside for seven straight days would be extremely boring, his
heart itched for something to do. After sweeping his gaze across the room and
confirming that there truly was no one else inside, he silently moved to the
other book cabinet. He sneakily fished a book out, deciding on pretending to
study.
Cough
cough, as an upright youth, how could he possibly be engrossed in this type of
thing? He was just curious as to what type of plot a porn book could possibly
have.
After
pondering for a while, he finally flipped to the first page, only to find the
tangled bodies of two—handsome men.
With
a whoosh, another limited-edition porn book was thrown out the window. “He
Huan” was triggered—how could a perfectly straight youth like him be
interested in man on man action! Even if he died of boredom, he still wouldn’t
spare a glance for that type of thing!
An
hour later, the “He Huan” who was unable to suppress his boredom and thus
slapped his own face, “My god! Even this kind of maneuver is possible? Is it
really that intense between men?”
Fine,
reality has proven, nothing can curb the curiosity of a youth in his prime. As
well as a preference for this type of thing, it doesn’t change that much
throughout the years.
End of Chapter 2
Footnotes:
[1] Cutsleeves - in short, gays. This is a reference to an Emperor who had to leave for morning court but didn't want to disturb his male lover who was resting on his sleeve, and so cut it off.
[2] Green breeze/hat - Once upon a time, there was a businessman, a tailor, and the businessman's wife. (You can guess where this is going...) Whenever the businessman left his village to go on a business trip, his wife would cheat on him with the village tailor. To make it easier for the tailor to know when the businessman was going away, the businessman's wife asked the tailor to make a green hat for the businessman. Whenever the wife put the green hat on her husband's head, this served as a signal to the tailor that the businessman was leaving the village. Over time, the other villagers figured out what was going on, and they would say to one another..."His wife has put the green hat on him."
To this day, this phrase is what Chinese people use to talk about wives having affairs. This phrase is the reason why Chinese men never wear green hats.
[3] Devil cultivators - not to be confused with demonic cultivators. Demonic cultivators are humans who have turned to the demonic path, Devil cultivators are born that way. For example, beasts who have cultivated intelligence or plants, etc...
[4] Classical Gardens of Suzhou
2 comments
Fufufufu~ "He Huan" your door will be opened if this continues XD
ReplyDeleteAND SOMEHOW I HAVE A FEELING THAT THROWING PORN BOOKS OUT WINDOWS ISN'T GOING TO END UP WELL...
Thank you for the chapter!
ReplyDelete