Translator: deathbutlowkey
Editor: Mimishijie
Death: extra update bc im always slow...forgive me...
The General’s Secret (2)
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Yan Shuo stared blankly at Shen Zhifan’s hand, which covered the back of his. Shen Zhifan’s fingertips were slightly cold, but their contact point became increasingly hot.
——Why did he treat him so well?
His throat moved for a moment, and his body felt like it had sunk into an eternal stasis. To say the least, at that moment, he didn’t dare to look at Shen Zhifan’s expression.
In his heart, Yan Shuo scoffed at himself. Sure enough, he would lose the self-control he was so proud of when faced with Shen Zhifan. Even when faced with a ruthless hail of bullets, he could still steel himself and sweep everything by him, but in front of this person, he still felt like...he was both meek and apprehensive.
He could make up countless reasons.
For example: because you saved me, because I can see the shadow of my former self in you, because...it went on and on.
And yet in truth, there was only one reason.
Because I long for you.
I long to feel the heat you gave me seven years ago, to kiss that pale neck I saw back then, to hold close your unattainable figure, to receive the smile that you’ll turn and show once in a while, I long for you to linger by my side, forever...
You were once a regret of mine from seven years ago that I could never make up for, carved into my bones and impossible to be rid of, and yet you’re also the untouchable moonlight forget-me-nots that I yearned for seven years later.
If you cut open my heart, my veins, even my breaths, and each and every mark on my skin -
Without the slightest doubt, you would be able to see that it is all you.
What I long for, is simply you.
Small drops of sweat began to bead at his forehead; under the light, they reflected faintly. His throat felt tight, and he knew that he shouldn’t be so panic-stricken and helpless, even if Shen Zhifan’s palm was still resting on his hand.
He was used to staying calm. He was unflustered and maintained self-control. When telling himself - at a time like this, he couldn’t be too shaken and had to take a step back - there was nothing that he couldn’t say.
Yan Shuo had both selfish motives and longing.
This exceptional chance had already been given to him; right now, Shen Zhifan knew nothing and remembered nothing.
So what if it was low of him to take advantage of that?
An impulse that he hadn’t felt since he’d been an early youth suddenly rose within him like a calcined flame. From within the blaze, an insidious voice whispered next to his ear.
Heh, there was nothing wrong about this. Rather than concealing and hiding away, so what if he just brought all of it out in one go?
No one had ever said that it couldn’t be done like this.
Nothing that happened would be worse than before. If it was like before, where he hadn’t even had the chance to open his mouth, only able to look on helplessly...
He suddenly lifted his head.
“Shen Zhifan, I…”
Shen Zhifan let out a dazed ‘ah’, then let his hand slide off of Yan Shuo’s own. In the end, his head fell onto his arms on the table with a loud ‘bang’.
Ignored, the grilled fish was still sizzling.
Shen Zhifan had no idea how long his question just then had whirled around in Yan Shuo’s head and what kind of drama it had produced. He only felt that his own head was dizzy and swollen, like oversoaked noodles.
The savory fragrance of delicious fish filled the small, closed room. Yan Shuo breathed through his nose, sinking into a somewhat awkward silence.
He hesitated, then reached out to poke at Shen Zhifan’s hair.
Shen Zhifan stirred for a moment, raising his head up slightly to look at Yan Shuo.
Amber eyes were completely vacant, and the flushed quality to his cheeks made his complexion look very good. It also made Yan Shuo’s own complexion seem quite poor.
Although his disposition had always been good (?) - this esteemed General couldn’t hold back.
Hey, how can you be like this ah! Someone else is seriously and very painfully trying to analyse themselves, you’re really getting drunk just like that?
It was just one sip, he had only taken a sip ah!
What kind of constitution was this ah, hah?
Yan Shuo couldn’t even force a bitter smile as he patted his cheeks and Shen Zhifan remained in a drunken stupor.
This is really bad of you, do you know that ah?
...You don't know.
Yan Shuo answered for Shen Zhifan in his heart.
Shen Zhifan rubbed against Yan Shuo’s fingertips, then went down again.
Yet Yan Shuo’s fingers weren’t willing to part with him, lightly curling his hair and winding the strands, then loosening.
Then winding them again.
You don’t know, you don’t know anything.
He thought, somewhat frustrated.
He’d gotten used to the aroma of fish in the room. Yan Shuo’s gaze quietly landed on Shen Zhifan.
In any case, you didn’t know, of course - you never understood at all.
Ah, it was really quite of him good ah.
Irritated, he couldn’t help but add a little strength to his hands, yet still couldn’t bear to cause him pain. In the end, he was the only one who struggled.
“Really, why did I ever want...” For himself, he hated iron for not becoming steel [1]. It was a pity that in the end, he could only swallow all of this down.
“I like you.”
He stroked Shen Zhifan’s hair extremely gently, and spoke very softly.
Even if you don’t know, it doesn’t matter since I have never told you, I can’t tell you, you wouldn’t want me to tell you, so you won’t kno-…
Shen Zhifan then sat up.
Yan Shuo’s last word was still hanging in the air, he suddenly bit his tongue. The scene was very embarrassing.
He - he woke up?
It was impossible to say that Yan Shuo didn’t feel a hint of alarm.
Fortunately, what happened next was bearable. Shen Zhifan didn’t seem to particularly care about what he’d just said; he simply sniffed a little, then moved his blank gaze to the plate of fish though his fingers remained motionless. It seemed like he’d lost the ability to use chopsticks. After looking all around, he stared at Yan Shuo pitifully.
Obvious at a glance, the yearning for fish in Shen Zhifan’s eyes was a little indirect.
Yan Shuo extremely hesitantly...picked a piece of fish in front of him.
Shen Zhifan opened his mouth obediently, chewed obediently, and swallowed obediently.
Taking advantage of this, Yan Shuo reached out and waved a hand in front of his face. He received no response.
Oh, he wasn’t awake.
The esteemed General, who didn’t know whether or not to heave a sigh of relief, became even more irritated.
How could there be this kind of person ah? One that would come up and touch other people’s hands as soon as they were drunk - can hands be so casually touched??
And to choose to wake up right when someone is confessing - if you’re going to wake up you might as well be sober too! Like this, half-drunk and half-awake, you still want someone to feed you?
What kind of disease was this?
The esteemed General was so pissed off that yet again, he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry - his teeth had even started aching.
It was a pity that Shen Zhifan was wholeheartedly engrossed in that piece of grilled fish - so much so that Yan Shuo was somewhat suspicious of whether or not he was actually drunk. Perhaps he was sober and putting on an act as he wanted to avoid embarrassment but also wanted to eat the fish.
Unfortunately, all the esteemed General could do was to use his enthusiastic hands to obediently pick fish for Shen Zhifan.
Shen Zhifan didn’t even want the skin of the fish; when he saw it, his brows knitted.
He didn’t like seeing other people eat either; when Yan Shuo began to eat, Shen Zhifan would look at him and frown.
It was deathly troublesome.
But the way he looked as he ate - wasn’t bad.
This time, Yan Shuo had presented the food a little closer, and so Shen Zhifan had lightly bitten at his chopsticks. His strength was just right, and just enough to run along the chopsticks, nipping at Yan Shuo’s heart.
Shen Zhifan seemed to laugh softly, his eyes warm. Unconsciously, he licked his lips.
Yan Shuo’s throat tightened.
Unfortunately, the esteemed General was teased all night, yet he could only feed him bite by bite.
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Death’s notes:
[1] hating iron for not becoming steel - to feel resentful towards someone for failing to meet expectations and impatient to see improvement
man, all this talk of eating fish reminds me of that one other danmei novel lol.
Mimi: Everyday the Protagonist Wants to Capture Me
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3 comments
Thanks for the hard work love the story ^_^
ReplyDeleteWhen I look at the chapter title, I'm still asking myself if it meant his confession or his cat form xD
ReplyDeleteBut it's funny seeing him suffer lol But SZF why do you have to be drunk? Otherwise your dream of cuddling with your dream lover would become true faster, you won't need to cuddle with mechs xDDD
Thx for the ch (ㅅ˘ㅂ˘)
(And good reminder, that novel had an update too *runs* xD)
Thanks for the chapter 😊😍
ReplyDelete